Forgiveness Is Overrated

Last Updated on July 28, 2022 by The Unbounded Thinker

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been advised to forgive whoever hurts me and forget what they did. But when people hurt me, I find it hard to forgive and forget. Besides this, I realized that those who advised me to forgive and forget usually find it hard to do so. I, therefore, questioned forgiveness and realized that it’s overrated.

I firmly agree that forgiveness is beneficial because it eliminates resentfulness, promotes inner peace, and allows you to focus on what matters. For this reason, forgiveness is a good thing. But is it easy?

Religious leaders usually make you believe that it’s easy to forgive. They always ask you to forgive those who hurt you, pray for them, and forget what they did. 

I totally agree with praying and even helping those who hurt you because this enables you to be at peace with them. However, I believe you only forgive and pray for these folks when you are ready. Thus, you must not force yourself to forgive because you think it’s the best thing to do. Forcing yourself to forgive is pointless because you’ll still have negative feelings towards the person who hurt you.

You can’t just easily forgive someone after he kills your mother, rapes your cousin, and eats your dog. It’s hard. Its okay to not forgive this person as long as the lack of forgiveness does not affect your inner peace and ability to focus on what really matters.

Never think that you’ll never move on if you don’t forgive someone because you’ll do so as time passes. Time heals wounds. Moreover, never ever think that Infinite Intelligence/God will judge you for not forgiving. God’s way of thinking is higher than ours, and God does not care whether you forgive or not. God is not like us; God is a spirit that we know nothing about, and it’s, therefore, absurd to claim that this Spirit demands us to forgive those who hurt us.

I’m not advising you to hate those who hurt you. I just want you to know that it’s okay if you are unable to forgive someone. I know religion and spiritual teachers have made you feel bad about yourself for being unable to forgive.

It’s good to forgive, but forgive when you feel in your heart that it’s time to forgive, and you’ll never have negative emotions towards those who hurt you.

One thing I must also tell you is that, even though you might find it hard to forgive, never ever wish bad things to happen to those who hurt you because you’ll feel bad when good things happen to them.

Lastly, stop thinking about those who hurt you and work hard towards your dream because when you live the life of your dreams, life will be so good that you won’t find the time to think about those who hurt you.

‘Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimer’s – Agnieszka


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  1. Only in a relaxed state of mind to forgive someone. I have been holding back negative feelings for a long time because I thought that this would keep people from hurting me from doing it again. However, when I have kept my focus totally on healing and not on anger, I have been raised to a level that I can forgive effortlessly in prayer, meditation, reflection. Cleanliness is something natural and should not be forced.

    Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change. – Wayne Dyer

    Great Wechuli article.

  2. I love that last quote! Ha!! I agree that forgiveness is for you, not the other person. But I don’t agree that time heals all wounds. If you feed them, those wounds will turn to bitterness and resentment over time, and steal your piece. Doing that is that taking poison & hoping the other person dies. I agree that we forgive when we’re ready, and I don’t think religious people suggest forgiving right away – that would be fake, which doesn’t help anyone. We can pray for the ability to forgive, and it will come.

  3. time heals wounds when you don’t feed them….and i don’t believe that much on praying to God to give you things,..i think its our responsibility to practice the art of forgiving and not praying to god to give us the skill

  4. For me forgivenes is crucial for my in we peace…

    No one is righteous,we are all bound to hurt someone in one way or the other and expects them to forgive us when we say we are sorry, so Forgiveness is a two way thing…”treat the other person the way you would like to be treated”.